Although I continue to keep a regular journal and rarely log on for entries here much anymore, sometimes it's needed. Boyfriend - maybe I should say spouse - knows about the journal and could always easily break into it if he wanted. But he doesn't know about this. And it's late late nights like these, when my thoughts turn just as bleak as the weather outside.

It's this house, you see. It could go either way - a paradise or a cell. There's much to commend it but I must not oversell it or it becomes a trap. Or, do I talk it up so as to not introduce the thought that I made a mistake buying it.

We made much three years ago of not buying "too much a place", of being a slave to mortgage payments, of paying cash for everything. It astounds me what real estate continues to cost, even in the downturn. And how difficult it was for me to qualify three years ago even with a good credit score, a good employment history. It increased the stakes for the question "is it worth it?"

It's the next door neighbors, a rental property, that is worrying me tonight. Their ever-expanding number of people living in the property, a nearly-exact replica of our home. Tonight, their expanding number of cars, parked right onto the property line, right outside my office window, bothers me. I suppose a high, strong fence would take care of this problem. (Not in the budget, though.)

It's good to be able to jot this down. I'm already feeling better. I've met some of these neighbors; they were just fine. And being that it's a rental, they can't be permanent. 'Is the neighborhood in decline?' was probably an underlying worry. We've had some neighborhood break-ins and other suspicious activity recently. But I don't think it is, and the thefts are happening all over. We've made friends with many of our neighbors, and we're across the way from a still-rather-snooty lake community. Whatever rental-neighbor annoyance or worry I feel, it's more than likely temporary.

Ironic, really, to worry about renting neighbors when I own rental properties myself.

Boyfriend has been morose this past couple of months. I think it's money troubles, but we don't talk about that in detail. The Great Recession has impacted both of us, but him more. Sure, I took a 20% pay cut and while difficult at first, have adjusted. He depends on business, and the jobs have been smaller, both in size and number. Without discussing it, I've taken on paying for more or most groceries and drive my car when we go somewhere together, and this has not been a strain.

While I don't expect things to turnaround drastically, I have hope for both of us with 2012.