Okay so I have to admit that the pleasure I previously derived from creating blog posts has gone. Not sure why & I'm a little sad about it. A lot of it is a feeling of a lack of direction. Should I use it to rant about things? Should I use it to practice writing? XHTML coding? Don't know.

A lot of previous motivators have gone. As soon as I met someone who seems to like me, suddenly living in this town was not so bad at all. While I was quite used to doing things solo, the number of things I felt like doing now that I had a boyfriend changed my outlook on this city completely. I have become one of those awful "we" people!

Interestingly, where my blog posts dropped, I picked up with my personal hardcopy journals. I typically write 2 - 3 pages now, and I'm going through them roughly one a year - a marked increase. I use a form of short hand and my handwriting is awful!

Everything is not all roses. I can't sleep tonight for example; insomnia is a recurring problem. I think I know myself well enough to identify this as some form of depression, a low-level just-below-the-surface variety that I've had all along. It's not debilitating, not dangerous. When I think about taking little Happy Pills, which would no doubt resolve a lot, I rebel against it because after all "this is who I am." Would it be weird for me to say I believe it - the depression - helps keep me Aware?

I just got back from a week-long vacation. It was kind of a working vacation, I own rental property and I was inspecting it and hiring a management company to take it over. They were filling me with doom-and-gloom about the economy: expect to see it empty for at least three months, etc., that kind of thing. But they called me today. He said, We've rented your place, I'm sitting with the tenants right now, they're going to move in this weekend.

So good.

But anyways, other than that, I spent the week with two of my closest friends. They are very different people, my two friends, but one thing they have in common is that they are both very creative. One is a painter / graphic designer, and the other is a filmmaker. We did little weird things, things I wouldn't have a focused interest in, like go to the U.S. Figure Skating Hall of Fame, and the Historic Carriage Museum. I should link to their websites, shouldn't I? And I went to the new Museum of Contemporary Art in Denver, bare, modern, with plexiglass floors on the roof and a neon bleeding heart on the wall. My filmmaker friend and I arrived just before closing, so they gave us discounted tix, and we literally ran through the building, laughing - yeah yeah, borrring, ooh this room is cool. We almost crashed some 'private party' in the basement, but parties are only worth crashing if there are a lot of hip people, and this one had only three or four snooties dressed in all-black.

So, time spent out west with them reinvigorated my thoughts on doing something creative with my own life. But what?