A year ago, or maybe a little more, if I was having trouble sleeping I would have been in my duplex in Dayton, late at night reading a book or watching TV. Not so long ago, but already the memories of the surroundings fading into the past. Here I am a year later in a larger, more comfortable home with my boyfriend, and I still have trouble sleeping - more often than I care to admit.

It's mostly job-related that keeps me awake. Have I made mistakes? How do I rectify a situation? As each problem disperses, it is replaced with something new. Is it better to be loved or respected? I hope for at least one of the two.

There has been some family drama, too. My sister informed my parents the weekend after Thanksgiving she was leaving her husband only to reneg a week later. It didn't come as a surprise to my parents, nor to me, but the reconciliation only prolongs the inevitable. My sister has elaborate process by which I can speak to her privately, but she has not returned my calls. She doesn't want to talk about it, I suppose. But all I would say is: Leave him or stay, it doesn't matter - I will support you.

I'd been through something similar, 13 or so years ago. Similar - but different. Aren't they all? I would do what I needed to make it work on the face of it, but I would take a lover on the side. I would preserve the status quo but make it work for myself. The best action I finally took was in leaving; too bad I waited so long.