Dear Mr. Hugshyhermit

I am very sorry to inform you that this is my 30 day notice.

Due to my financial situation and my mothers failing health I won't be able to stay.

J is back to part time work so he can go back to school so he can not afford to stay.

August 31st 2005 will be my last day at Happydale Lane.

I want to thank you for being such a wonderful landlord and friend.

EKG

Am I surprised? No not at all. Not after the 'domestic situation' of a month ago with the cops there and during which I served them a 30 day notice that I subsequently reneged when they threw the girlfriend out, swearing that it was all her fault and that it wouldn't happen again.

It's been quiet as death since but I'm not surprised -- and maybe even relieved -- that three weeks later they are giving notice. ("How is your grandma doing?" I ask the other son--the enthusiastic, friendly son--when he visits. "Oh, she's doing better, much better than she was a few months ago," he says. "Oh really? That's great," I say. "So, is J going back to school?" I ask. "Oh he's not sure, maybe." "Oh, ok, that's cool," I say, smirking smugly inwardly to myself.)

---

A month ago, in the middle of that 'domestic situation', I retrieved a voicemail from my other tenant, my Colorado tenant:

Hello? Mr. Hugshyhermit, this is V your tenant in Colorado and I have some bad news and some good news giggle giggle my mom is really ill and I need to take care of her so I have to move. I'll be out by the 15th and I'll clean the place before I go but I have some good news too giggle I had a yardsale and I showed the house to some people who said they were really liked the place and would like to rent it here's their number, k?...

I call her back and the number's been disconnected. JD, my ex, drives by and the house is empty.

"Oh oh oh, what should I do?" I wail to JD.
"Maybe you should sell it," says JD.
"Maybe." I say. But instead, I place ads in the local paper. I use JD's phone and his phone begins to ring.

"Listen to this," says JD a few days later, "Some guy wants to rent your house. He submitted a typewritten letter and left it for me in the mailbox."
"An application letter?"
"Yeah. Get this: 'Dear Mr. Hugshyhermit, I am a professional 28 year old who is interested in renting your home. I am stably employed with the same employer for three years. I would also like to mention that the back yard would be perfect for my friendly, neutered Australian Shepherd mix. I should also mention that I am the lead singer in a band but I want to assure you that we have a separate studio space in which to rehearse. Feel free to contact me with any questions you may have and I hope you will consider my application.' What kind of a neurotic freak types a letter?"
"Well," I say, "I've never received such a formal application before. Let's give him a shot."

The professional lead singer rents the place. JD says he looks about 21 years old. He drives a truck and wears a cowboy hat. His check for a security deposit, one months' rent and nonrefundable dog deposit clears. I get to rest for one week...

---

The "FOR RENT" sign goes up in the front yard with flyers in an info-tube. Owner-occupied Double, it says, Quiet, Stable neighborhood. I check the paper and rent mags for my competition: One month free rent, no security deposits, end of summer rental specials price slashes are everywhere. Dayton is a renters' market, uh oh. But even so, the phone begins to ring.

"Hi Mr. Hugshyhermit, I'm K and on a whim I turned down your street and I saw your sign and I'm with my daughter and we'd like to take a look at the place. We're standing outside right now."
"Sure, go ahead, I'm not there right now but are my tenants there? If they're there, ask them and if it's ok with them, maybe you can look through the place. If it's ok with them, ask respectfully. If not, we can always make an appointment."
"Is your tenant a blond woman and some skinny guy?"
"yeah, that's her and her son. Tell them you talked to me and I said it was ok."

"Hi, Mr. Hugshyhermit? This is K calling you back we talked about a half hour ago. I looked around the place and my daughter looked around too and we both liked it and I'd like to fill out an application."
"Great! I'll be here for the rest of the day if you'd like to stop by and fill out an application."

Uh, heya, Hugshyhermit, this is J, your tenant next door. Uh, I know my mom gave you a notice, but I was thinking that maybe my bud and I would like to talk with you about staying. We'd be willing to sign a new lease for like six months or a year or whatever. I was looking around for another place and then I was thinking why am I doing that when I have all my stuff already here and it's a nice place and stuff.
"Hey J, I don't know what to say. I've already offered the place to that guy who stopped by over the weekend, the firefighter and his daugher, and the daughter even liked the pepto-bismal room, so that's fine but that's kind of where things stand."

Hi, Hugshyhermit, this is EKG and I want to say that if you rent it to J and his friend then I want my security deposit back.
"Well, EKG, that's fine and I have no problem with that but I want you to know that I've offered the place to the firefighter who stopped by with his daughter and so we can always cross that bridge if we need to if he says no or whatever."
Oh!

---

My new tenant sits in the easy chair that I found at the curb back in Rochester, New York. "Gracie gracie gracie gracie!" He says, "Aren't you a good dog, yes you are! Yes you are!"
"Renting properties is probably a lot like having kids," I am saying, "I used to draft 12 page leases, now we're down to 4. I'll let you read through it and I'll answer any questions you have..."
I have regular television on, and it's a reality show. "Did the lead singer to INXS die?" I say politely to my new tenant's daughter who is sitting in the kitchen chair that I found next to the dumpster when I lived outside Denver and which I've brought in from the other room. "That's probably one of the only bands I've seen live, back in, gosh, 1983. That's probably before you were born."
"I'm only 14," says the daughter, whose name I've already forgotten. "I don't really know INXS." (A couple of people are competing to be their new lead singer on television right now.)

I notice my new tenant is left-handed when he signs the lease.

---

"Heya Hugshyhermit, so I guess those people took the place, huh."
"Yeah, they'll be moving in on the first. But you know I think it will work out better for you, it's a tenant's market right now and I bet you could find an even better deal than this one just by looking around."
My soon-to-be-former tenant's 4 year old daughter comes running out, "What are you doing up so late?"
"It is late, isn't it? Well, I guess I was watching tv. Do you know INXS?" I ask her father.
"Oh yeah, there's that show where they're looking for a new head singer, yeah."
"I didn't even know the lead singer died. I saw them in 1983. Adam Ant opened."
"Adam Ant? What song did he do? I was 1 year old."
"I'm going to be 5 and then I'm going to be 6." says K.
"oh, heh heh hm well hm." I say.
"She's in pre-K," says my tenant.
"Are you kicking me and my grandma out of the house?" K asks.
Her father answers with a slight nervous twitch, "Well I realize we asked you if we could stay after we had told we were going to leave and that was asking a lot. I couldn't get ahold of my bud either, but I have another bud in Fairborn and it's just down the street from K's mom so I think that's where I'll go."

Cool...

I don't know whether to post this here or to my other, work-related, blog.

Earlier this year, a coworker quit and moved to Thailand. From the look of things, seems like he's doing pretty well.

What do you think?