I have a few blog posts in "draft" form, not yet visible to all you hordes of people who visit. And in the thought process of drafting, I reached a breakthrough (minor perhaps) on what I want to say, at least with the scriptwriting exercise and a short story idea. Because my laptop is still hosed, I guess I'll either write them out long-hand, or spend time typing them out at my work p.c.

The drafts began as further ruminations on my travels around Ohio with Chris this past weekend. While the one visible entry continues along in a same vein of hanging-out-in-bars-and-picking-up-guys theme, Chris (and most of my friends I might add) is in fact capable of weightier discussions. We talked about contemporary American culture and the hypocrisies of modern living. How can "you" cut through the crap and live a meaningful life? That's really what this blog is about, too.

Chris and I agreed on an essentially optimistic view of life. We're here for some reason; might as well make it a good one. If you've been reading this Blog, well... Don't laugh! I am definitely interested in the boundary between realizing maximum self-expression ("happiness") in our culture, and what constitutes pure selfishness. What is the role organized religion plays in this? What is the role society plays in this? What control do we or should we have here?

So... applying this to the short story I wrote earlier and which I'm using for my scriptwriting "premise", I came up with some vignettes that I can add to the original story: a woman who suddenly decides to abandon her kid. And what I want to show -- what I believe caused my tutor to raise his eyebrow -- is that I want everyone to be better off by that action, including the "demon" mother. Now I know where to go with some additional action/scenes/dialog. Yee haw!

Second, I thought I might write a short story about my "dating" M. The story in its initial stages -- meaning, I'm not sure what to write *about* -- doesn't currently have more put into it than two characters -- one that will be "like" M, and one that will be "like" yours truly -- and they're dating. As far as saying something about being single or dating (or not) in a modern world, I want to discuss the boundary between "the ability to compromise" as a factor in "successful" relationships versus "codependency" where giving in to the other person is seen as a weakness/illness, etc. Or the flip side: Taking a stand on something you believe in versus the accusation of the "inability to compromise". While I might not explore this in the "dating M" story, I'm particularly interested in the 21st century gay dating milieu of monogamy/non-monogamy. Closed or Open relationships.

Or not. I don't know. That's why I'll put off writing about closed or open right now. Pick something easier. (BTW, my personal take on that is that I don't give a crap anymore about monogamy. I can't control or prevent another person from doing whatever they want. Nor do I want to be in a position where I'm accused of holding someone back.)

Personally, I have been monogamous, for many years in fact. And it didn't bother me at all, I didn't think much about it. When the realization hit, slowly, like an oil slick seeping under the door, that my partner hadn't kept his side of the bargain, and maybe never had, it was like walking around in heavy oxygen. (He early took the lead in demanding monogamy and constantly yammered at me about the importance of exchanging vows to support this -- he had singularly strong opinions on recognizing gay marriage. And he was a minister, after all.) The times he screetched at me for supposedly having affairs and even supposedly checking out other guys!

When the shoe was on the other foot, though, when I confronted him; I got denials. I suggested therapy: I got accusations that "his needs weren't being met". I made arrangements to meet his supposed needs, and usually was the only one showing up for the party. Finally, when prior patterns re-emerged (secret, whispering phone calls in the middle of the night -- for those of you who want to know about "final straws"), something inside clicked, exactly like a light switch: I stopped caring about the relationship and I stopped caring about him. I have sometimes thought this experience -- which lasted about six years -- fucked me up. I have not tried too hard (uhm, not at all) to be monogamous since. I have also been totally honest about it with everyone I've dated. (Uhm, well, *mostly* honest with *mostly* everyone.) I KNOW we'll come back to this experience and these thoughts in other entries.

(For example, how does this play in with our culture's notion of "romance"?)

And on a lighter note...
Chris and I developed a Dating Rating scale using song lyrics by Madonna. Ha ha ha! We defined the following categories, on a scale 1 - 10: Physical Attraction, Chemical Reaction, Sweet Satisfaction (and/or Vogue-ability). And, when we started applying these criteria to folks we've dated, some interesting trends occurred. Here's a couple: We both have dated guys not our immediate "type" (Physical Attraction = 3's and 4's). What made it work (at least for a while) was "connectivity" that included sense of humor (Chemical Reaction = 7's or higher) or similar lifestyles (Vogue-ability = 7's or higher). And when things went sour, it meant that someone who had initially rated high on one of those two scales dropped. Probably "clear as day" to those of you well-adjusted coupled folk out there, but not to us, and lotsa milk-snorting-out-your-nose laughs getting there. One next step is determining what, if anything, could sustain ratings at a higher measurement. Come on girls, do you believe in Love? Put your love to the test!

Ideas?

So, I have volunteered to help out with a couple of projects on a newly-formed team, which I won't name here, but, with a slight tweak, can spell out WET as an acronym.

When my boss asked if there was anything he should discuss with *his* boss, I sent an e-mail that suggested possible future career moves -- "the next step" -- and mentioned my desire to leave this location, but my boss took it as reflecting a lack of support for him. So, yeeks, I had to quickly send a clarifying e-mail and then a telephone call where I asked if we were all OK -- and we are, so he says. It's an odd thing, I like my boss, and in sending e-mails like the original one, was treating him more like a friend or a colleague, and yes yes I know that was probably a mistake. It should all be Professional with a capital P.

Checking on my personal e-mails received while out on vacation:

Hey bud!....good to hear back from ya!....I have been wondering about you with moving and all!....it will be great to see you in November....I have a new phone number...its XXX-XXX-XXXX.....call any time bud...have a great day!
don’t give up on dating..im sure the right guy is out there....plus....you are one of the truly good guys!...
Corey

*sniff sniff* It would have never worked.

Now back in Colorado, my friend Chris, and I have been exchanging nifty links and information based on our conversations we had while he was here. I sent him the link for The Wexner Center, which is the place I used to haunt for underground and cult films in Columbus; and he has been sending me links discussing popular culture philosophers, many of them French, but his favorites being Michel Foucoult and Jean Baudrillard. A little light reading for my desk-side table, no?

A quick review of these study aids, which I believe Chris got from his Masters' degree coursework, I'm surprised to see Christopher Lasch missing. My entire life and this blog could constitute a reinforcement of his ideas as expounded in his books, for starters: The Culture of Narcissism, and The Revolt of the Elites.

And, speaking of reading, I have been alternating between "Bel Canto" by [?], and those "So You Want To Be A Scriptwriter" and "HTML Coding for Fun and Profit" books. I think I've got the knack for tables, but haven't yet tried Frames or Style Sheets. I also signed out a book on Flash, which is way over my head, but if I can leaf through it and get at least somewhat acquainted with it.

That Christopher Lasch would but approve.

I've been bad and haven't updated my blog in a while. Have I lost interest? Not at all. My laptop is still hosed, and I've been out of the office and so away from my usual portal to creating blogs.

Out of the office, you ask? Details, please! Well, my good friend Chris from Colorado was here visiting me. He did one of those internet deals where you make a low offer on an airline trip, and it was accepted. So, I drove to Columbus last Thursday and picked him up. We played everything by ear but one thing he wanted to see was the Museum of Popular Culture at Bowling Green State University. We drove along back roads to get there. It was a beautiful day, and we laughed about real or imagined Popular Culture exhibits and studies: Barbie Doll collections and Post Cards and lunchboxes, ho ho ho. I have never been to Bowling Green, and it was a great, friendly campus, reminding me of my years at Ball State. Much to Chris' (and my) disappointment, the Popular Culture studies house was closed ; the basement faculty offices were closed; the library exhibit was closed. The Fine Arts building was open, and we commented that its size was much larger than University of Colorado/Boulder or Colorado Springs' facilities, even though those are comparable or larger campuses. We saw a quilt exhibit ("Through the Needle's Eye"), and an art exhibit by a guy who basically took cartoon characters like Droopy, or the Campbell Soup Can Girl, and added a mush of colors and things that looked like eyes -- I enjoyed it actually, although who the hell knows what any of it meant: The painting titles were all along the lines of "Self Portrait as Droopy" or "Lust".

Some other interesting items to note at the Bowling Green campus: Its film studies and theater department, funded at least in part by two old movie stars, who had the campus theaters named after them: Lillian Gish and Eva Marie Saint (sp?). I know Lillian Gish was one of the major movie stars of the silent era and, I think, the original girl-tied-by-the-villian-to-the-railroad-tracks girl: Pauline, in the Perils of Pauline. (Oops. Nope, wrong. Gish was a D.W. Griffith star. Pauline was really Pearl White) I know of Eva Marie Saint from her role as femme fatale in "North by Northwest" and I guess a BGSU-alum. (Interestingly, the bio says David Letterman also attended BGSU. NOooooo: He went to Ball State. I saw in the Student Union, though, that Tim Conway went to BGSU -- he had a tile there, a la David Letterman, "from a 'D' Student," ha ha. Tim (or Tom as folks in my town know him) Conway, grew up in my home town.) Fifty years from now, will anyone know who they are outside of a few die-hard dusty academics?

It was a relatively cheap vacation: We also drove to my parents' house outside Cleveland and had a big laugh by going to a haunted house: Bloodview. We were the oldest folks by far there, mostly 14 year olds it seemed were in attendance, bored mothers reading in the mini-vans, and it seemed like the kids who were the actors had a lot of fun chasing us around, yelling, through the haunted woods and a building maze of ghouls, etc. I haven't laughed so much in a long time.

I was very nervous around my parents, and Chris caught me (for the first time since I've known him) chewing my nails and chomping on my teeth, embarrassing habits that has generally gotten better but still emerge when I've got "nerves". I had thought my parents would be hyper-critical, but no, they were quite impressed -- or maybe they're just telling me they are. "He's not at all like 'X'." Said my mom. Chris says he thought my parents might have thought we were a 'couple', he says my dad said something to him like, "No hanky-panky." But mom said "He's a very nice friend," with no emphasis on 'friend', so I don't think I need to clarify that with them.

Although we breezed out of there and back to Columbus, even the brief stay with the parents put me in a funk like the kind I had a couple of weeks ago after seeing them in Maine.

Chris really liked Columbus, and we made semi-serious comments about moving there and becoming room-mates. While there, we spent most of our time in the Short North, the very, very gay neighborhood. We did a pub crawl and discovered that this last weekend was a Circuitparty ("Chrome") so every place was packed with little kids. Chris was horny after the slim pickins of Colorado he said, so at about 3 in the morning, he begged to go to the Bathhouse -- bllch. It looked absolutely unappetizing to me: There were about twenty cars in the parking lot, generally beaters, and based on one guy and the employees, generally unattractive people. Meeooww!!! I told Chris that if he wanted to go to the bathhouse, I could leave him there, but he wanted me to go, too. I told him we could visit on our way back from Cleveland if he still had the desire. Cool.

On our final night in Columbus, we ate at a classy restaurant that served Tapas only -- basically h'ors d'oevres. Some of the best food I've had in a long time. There were a few other cute, young couples there, and one of the guys from one of those couples accosted Chris in the bathroom. Thank God! So, I hung out at the trendy video bar while Chris went back with him. I chatted with a couple of neglected little kids and watched show tune videos. I was surprised that I wasn't more jealous -- no one accosted me anywhere. But I almost had blinders on this past weekend -- I am not presently interested in any more no-connection connections. (Or, am I just really, really depressed?)

Oh well. Back at work. G product build was a success -- it went on-line this past weekend, earlier than planned, and with all enhancements falling into place. I review e-mails that alternately berate me for following "incorrect" procedures and congratulate me on getting everything done early and well within cost. Whatever.