Hey, I'm glad that we were able to meet and like I said a couple of days ago, I don't know what I'm going to say, all I want is something we can both agree to.

Y'know, when we talked before, you used the word 'abide.' Abiding by whatever I say, but I don't like that word because it makes it sound like I'm forcing you to agree to my terms and I don't want that. What I want is for us both to agree and be assured we'll be able to hold to whatever we decide.

When I was here the other night and your mom was here talking, I want you to know I heard what she had to say. She was my tenant for over a year and she was a good tenant. You probably already know I went and talked to your brother, too. He was next door that night and so I went over and asked what he thought about the situation and I listened to what he had to say.

So, I've calmed down. You know I was pretty hot the other night, and you know I had given you a verbal warning and I said that if it happened again I would evict, and it happened again and so I served you with those papers -- just like I said I would.

First of all, if I believe what your mom and brother have to say, I have to believe that it was all L's fault. And I also have to believe that L is now also out of the picture; that she's gone. I hope that's true.

I mean, I'm note sure you broke up with her and you didn't kick her out -- your mom did all that. J doesn't love you L, and you don't love J, L. Isn't that what she said? The neighbors told me L was over here a good 3 hours and things didn't get hopping until your mom showed up and then with the cops right after to keep them apart. ha ha, I bet that was a sight. "Don't mess with Momma."

A couple days ago, on my way to work, I saw someone who looked an awful lot like L, standing out in front of the apartment house around the corner, the one with the 'for rent' sign, talking with the landlord. I couldn't say for sure it was her, but you know, L has a pretty distinctive figure if you know what I mean. It sure looked like her.

I almost circled back around the block and then I said to myself that's not my problem, I'm not going to waste any more time than I already have on it. But if she's still in the neighborhood, then that's no solution.

And I guess that's what I have to say to you, J. If L is gone and if she's the one who was the cause of the problems, then I guess everything's ok. Only you know the answer to that.

And if L isn't out of the picture, if that's not what you want, then the problem's not solved. Like I said, if it happens once it'll happen again. And even if L's gone, is the next girl going to be another version of L?

You're the one to know yourself the best. I mean, maybe you enjoy beating each other up. Maybe that's what makes you happy. I'm not here to even pass judgment on that because, I mean hell look at the 11 o'clock news and couples in this town are always going after each other with knives or running them over with their cars or setting them on fire and shit.

I'm just not going to live next door to it.

Your mom kept saying she wants this place to be a home for you and your daughter. Well, that's great that that's what she wants. What do you want? This isn't Oakwood and it isn't Sugarcreek Township - you can find any apartment to paint a second bedroom for your daughter pink, maybe even for less rent. There is nothing special about this place.

Y'know, I don't have any answers on how things work. I grew up in a small town and from the time I can remember, hearing 'fucking faggot' was just for starters. My parents kicked me out the house when I was 17 for being a fucking faggot. I had to finish high school commuting from my grandparents'. You can bet as soon as that was over, psfhew! I was gone; out of there.

So it's nothing L called me a fucking faggot, I'll hear it many more times before I die.

Here's a fucking faggot story for you. I was with a guy for a long time and things had been ok. His mom was living with us but then she had a heart attack and died. And after she died, it was like that guy became another person. It became violent. We'd be sitting there talking and all of a sudden he'd have me in a headlock and pounding me into a wall or maybe throwing plates and glasses at me.

I didn't know what to do about it, I was so stunned, I just took it. We were in counseling and of course he was grieving over his mom's death. But even so, should anyone act like that?

It was probably already over, but it was a turningpoint when I started fighting back. That's when it became really over. I didn't care any more.

One day, I came home from school or work and when I pulled into the driveway I could hear him yelling from inside the house, and the dog was yelping, one of those high-pitched yelping, very loud. We had Grace by then, she wasn't yet full grown, and he had her down on the ground with his knee on her body holding her down, and he was jamming her head into the floor. And she was trying to get away and yelping but she couldn't.

And I snapped. There was a lamp on a side table and I pulled it up so fast the chord snapped out of the wall like a whip and I used that lamp on him like a baseball bat. I cracked it into his back and Grace scrambled out and ran under the sideboard with her tail between her legs. And then I cracked that lamp over his sorry little head.

He said But... she peed all over the hardwood floor! And I said, there'll be more than pee on the floor by the time I'm done with you. He tried to grab the lamp but it was broken and he cut himself on it and then he ran out of the house and I threw it after him and then I had cut myself and I had to get stitches. There wasn't any police report filed on that day either, and nobody's mother came. I moved myself out.

It's funny. He wanted me back. For like a year after, he used to leave me phone messages, crying I'm sorry, let's talk, please can't we work it out? Hah!

I have friends, friends who knew me from then and before, who have sometimes asked about him. They don't know about any of that. And as the years have passed, when they ask I'd say, oh if I ran into him somewhere, I could probably be civil to him now, after all it's been almost ten years. I could ask what he's up to and how is his family and blah blah blah.

But thinking about it right now, all I'm thinking is you got off easy you asshole, you wasted six years of my life and I hope I get a chance to dance on your grave.

So.

J.

I'm willing to see how it goes with L gone. I think you can see from what I'm saying that's not always a clean break. But I hope it is a clean break with you and L. You're young, hopefully what happened here this last month is something you'll remember so that if you don't want it to happen again, you'll see the signs.

Live and Learn, right?