Well, how was everyone's long Thanksgiving weekend?

Mine turned out alright, thanks for asking. Grace and I drove 4-ish hours through slick rainstorms to Cleveland where my parents live and we spent a couple of quiet days. We all read together in the Living Room (me, a chunk of 'Tom Jones' by Henry Fielding), and we watched a movie ('Chaplin', er, 'Richard Attenborough's Chaplin,' starring Robert Downey Jr. in his very first comeback. A clunker -- that script needed a serious rewrite or editing or both -- but Downey's good: a good vid rental.)

Then I drove back and spent a couple of quiet days here. Maybe the highlight was having dinner with a few friends and watching a bad 70s flik, 'Sisters of Death', starring nobody. A drive-in movie make-out special and a prime candidate for Mystery Science Theater 3000 if that still was on the air. *sigh*

On my drive back from Cleveland, I met someone for coffee.

Sometimes I go to a place where, well, let's just say that it's a private men's club. To my friends, I call it 'the gym.' (And it *is* a gym, clean and well-stocked with the latest equipment, although I'm probably in the minority of folks who actually use them). Lately when I've gone, I've been collecting phone numbers. That's a recent trend and I hadn't called any of those numbers until I met this guy. We had struck up a conversation in the jacuzzi and he had given off a good vibe (and no, those are not euphemisms). He just seemed like a nice guy.

"Why did you say that you don't usually call anyone?" he wanted to know as we were sitting down. And so I explained that I wasn't looking for a relationship or even anyone to date, that I also wasn't wanting to hook up, and that I could well be wasting his time. "You just seemed like a nice guy and I thought why not give you a call."

"Have you given up on dating?" And so I told him that I really had had it with all of that. I talked about my longest relationship with the minister, and how my thinking has by turns gradually and drastically changed in the last eight or so years.

"But don't you miss the intimacy?" he asked and I told him No, not really. I have some pretty intense friendships, two of them ex-boyfriends. What's more, it's gotten to the point where I can take being around people only so much. I can do very well thankyou at parties and social settings, but I'll start wigging if socializing involves making up chitchat for extended periods beyond a few trusted people. Especially if they're in my car or my house or something. Get out, now! I want to shout.

As for 'cuddling' or whatever passes for intimacy these days, I have had enough of that for a lifetime. Certainly enough to know guys (myself included) can fake it. It can be painful even if you consider yourself strong. Weird? Maybe. But there you have it.

The Blog That Is Luscious Desert began in August 2003, a month or two out of the last time I 'dated.' Sometimes back then I whined about being alone and woes woes me. But even since then, I think my point of view has changed. Or maybe it's been changed, ha ha.

Oh sure, there are times. I had that 'date' a couple of weeks ago with that married guy -- what a let-down! But I was over it as quick as it took to tap out a blog entry. A day or so later, we had an e-mail conversation in which he told me breathlessly (if you can e-mail 'breathlessly') about finally telling his counselor, but nothing since then. I had thought about dropping him a note -- "hey dude, everything goin awright?" -- but then... why?

For about a year now, since moving back to Dayton, my personal ad has been set for 'friendship and dating.' But after that 'date', I looked through all the responses and recalled some of my experiences. Almost all of them were lame. The exceptions were folks who became friends: Dr. Freud -- who has moved away, hah! -- and 911 Boy, who in the end turned a bit freaky after all, what with all his bipolar medications.

So I revised the language; my ad is now for 'friendship' alone. (I thought about deleting it altogether but it is free.) Now there will be no hints of anything else to cloud the horizon. A small change in the wording, but I felt serene seeing it go through. I used to get about one response a week. The 'in' box has since been empty. Not a problem.

My coffee date told me he's new on the market, his partner of a dozen or so years having died of cancer (also not a euphemism) just a year ago. His eyes started glistening, but he seemed in control and I wasn't too worried he would break down sobbing or anything. Basically he's just wanting to meet guys again for the first time in awhile.

And so our meeting seemed to go just fine.