Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Here's One For Smarty Jones
Located as we are so close to Kentucky, I'm surprised there isn't more news about the Derbies. If you don't follow The Horses, this year's Seabiscuit has been Smarty Jones. Despite his young age (3 years), Smarty Jones has defied the odds and has been taking all the races with over $5 million in winnings so far.
Away from the excitement of The Triple Crown, I'm feeling apprehensive here at BIPC. After months of postponements and numerous revisions, I am gearing up to present tomorrow the Super Secret Project. I want this mass of quicksand off my desk, but I'm dreading the actual presentation.
You see, the S S P is not a popular subject. Because of corporate indecision, an excel spreadsheet that could have been completed in a month or two has taken about two years. I have to communicate the results. Don't shoot the piano player!
The technical aspect won't help: I will be speaking "virtually" by calling into a conference room 2000 miles away filled with tiers of higher management. I will have no benefit of eye contact or an ability to read body language.
Last year, I spoke on a related topic, using a Powerpoint that froze on the first screen.
For tomorrow's presentation, I have prepared Speaking Points. This is not something Hugshyhermit usually does, I usually bolt out of the gate.
Post-script, Thursday, May 13
Hugshyhermit has his Report, Speaking Points, and folders containing all back-up information ready. At the appointed hour he pushes the multiple sequence of numbers that takes him into the BIPC conference call system.
Hugshyhermit makes small talk. They discuss tree care. Hugshyhermit wasn't previously aware that the local soil is not properly pH-balanced for the optimal health of Pin Oaks.
The phone beeps. It's the site manager from Human Resources.tomorrow night right now, I reckon.
Away from the excitement of The Triple Crown, I'm feeling apprehensive here at BIPC. After months of postponements and numerous revisions, I am gearing up to present tomorrow the Super Secret Project. I want this mass of quicksand off my desk, but I'm dreading the actual presentation.
You see, the S S P is not a popular subject. Because of corporate indecision, an excel spreadsheet that could have been completed in a month or two has taken about two years. I have to communicate the results. Don't shoot the piano player!
The technical aspect won't help: I will be speaking "virtually" by calling into a conference room 2000 miles away filled with tiers of higher management. I will have no benefit of eye contact or an ability to read body language.
Last year, I spoke on a related topic, using a Powerpoint that froze on the first screen.
- "What a crock of horseshit," snarled the speakerphone, as I struggled to reboot.
"Are you sure you've researched this? We've never done things this way," said a different voice. Error messages filled the screen.
"Hugshyhermit, can you check again and get back to us?" my boss' voice suggested.
For tomorrow's presentation, I have prepared Speaking Points. This is not something Hugshyhermit usually does, I usually bolt out of the gate.
Post-script, Thursday, May 13
Hugshyhermit has his Report, Speaking Points, and folders containing all back-up information ready. At the appointed hour he pushes the multiple sequence of numbers that takes him into the BIPC conference call system.
- "Hello?" The only person on the line is a Product Manager from Headquarters.
"I've never heard of the S S P." she tells me. That's because it's Double Extra super secret. "I didn't get the attachments for the meeting."
Great. "I'll send you a copy."
Hugshyhermit makes small talk. They discuss tree care. Hugshyhermit wasn't previously aware that the local soil is not properly pH-balanced for the optimal health of Pin Oaks.
The phone beeps. It's the site manager from Human Resources.
- "I'm calling from my office, I didn't want to keep you hanging. We're having system difficulties. The IT people were here and they took the phone away. It doesn't look good."