H: I don't believe people who say they believe in love at first sight.

DOG looks directly into camera, sniffs, and wags its tail

EXT. Wooded path. Sun through the trees.

Guy 2: Didn't you ever get that feeling?

H: Maybe I get that feeling all the time.

EXT. Extreme CU. Fern or undergrowth or something organically interesting.

H. (V.O.): Maybe we can be friends.

Guy 3: Are we done? I'm missing Survivor: Allstars

DOG is sniffing.

EXT. PAN of landscape. Any landscape

Guy 4: I'm late for Service.

Guy 5: I was supposed to be in a meeting a half hour ago.

POV of H, following behind DOG.

INT. CLUB. Neon, shadowy figures, back and under-lighting, techno music.

Guy 6: I don't want to own anyone. It's about equality.

Guy 7: No one is going to tell me what to do.

Guy 8: I'm looking for someone who's 6 feet tall, with blond hair, green eyes, a toned body and an 8 inch dick.

Bartender (matching that description -- at least as near as we can see): Do you believe in love at first sight?

EXT. WOODED PATH with DOG.

Guy 9: We'd been together nine years and things were getting boring. We agreed to bring others into the relationship.

DOG sits down, as if to listen.

Guy 9: We had a threeway and the next thing I knew, he had left me.

Guy 10: He ran off with the third guy.

Guy 11: I thought we were monogamous!

INT. CLUB. H sits down at bar, flags bartender.

Bartender: Something to warm you up?

Guy 9 (wearing an "ironic" shirt saying UNEMPLOYED): Did it hurt falling from heaven?

Guy 10 (shirt says ADDICT): Pinch me, I must be dreaming.

Guy 11(shirt says 3 RESTRAINING ORDERS): What are you doing for the rest of your life?

H (to bartender): Something to make me believe.

Note to readers: Feeling nauseous yet? OK, I'm sure this is enough to make anyone spew
chunks. But I also cranked it out in not a lot of time -- quantity, not quality. A start, maybe I can take it somewhere later. TO BE CONT'd...