I'm sure everybody is raving about the changes I've made to this blog's graphics. I had started with a template provided by Blogger, and it has slowly been changing as I've learned more about HTML Coding. What? You hadn't noticed? Ungrateful blogstards!

Today, I'll be particularly egocentric -- yes, even more so than usual! -- and entertain all of you with a description of people who I think have a (not-so-) secret crush on me. Pretend I'm a guest on the Sally Jesse Raphael show.

(1) Hushpuppy Darnitall - BIPC has some big important people working at it and I could do worse from a professional standpoint than to count Hushpuppy Darnitall among my friends. From a personal standpoint, I enjoy being around HD: he is funny, smart, sensitive and kind. And it would seem, at least on the surface, that HD likes hanging around with me: I have introduced him to a few things he's never experienced in his life before -- so he says. Thai food, the opera, uhm... being comfortably gay. Sadly, there's plenty of closet space in his beautiful home, and there are a few compulsive behaviors that would drive me up a fricken wall -- the fact that he cooks and cleans, for example. And, while I think HD makes a valiant attempt at being "emotionally available", I think the short answer is that he's perfectly well-adjusted being solitary. If he didn't feel like opening up, then he wouldn't -- and that would be that. While I feel there's been some sparks, you also need the free flow of oxygen to get a fire going.

(2) Brenda - Brenda (to me) is the perfect name for a girl in a schlocky 80s movie who wants to be accepted, but fails no matter how hard she tries. Regardless of how many gym memberships and shiny trinkets she purchases, or how she tries to wear her hair like the popular kids, she's just a little too loud and cheap -- and people scatter when they see her coming. At BIPC, Brenda has the reputation of a scorpion; he throws temper tantrums and full-scale below-the-belt unprofessional attacks on staff at meetings. In spite of his rapid ascension at BIPC (childish behavior is seemingly rewarded here), you can also feel his desperate need for personal acceptance. After a conference call where he's created a scene yelling and stabbing at the speakerphone like it's a dying jellyfish, it seems as though he's genuinely hurt that people disappear for a drink without inviting him. He makes a point to stand close to me (sometimes I'm cornered), his eyes slowly scanning me up and down. A year ago, when I was first using BIPC's on-campus gym, he zipped over to make fun of my lifting style and how little I was able to lift. The backdrop for this kick-the-97-lb-weakling talk was to highlight his superior lift style and abilities. Years ago, in the first two conversations I ever had with him, he went on and on how he was a former fighter-pilot and raced motorcycles. "Oh my," I responded, which fueled a few near-death stories. The third time I ran into him, it was the Christmas Party and he was tipsy: "If you ever need a job; you come and see me." Puke! KL has periodically asked: "So, what do you think about Brenda? Would you ever consider going out with Brenda?" ...and that means Brenda has put her up to the task of asking. I feel my skin crawl. When I've run into him "out", he is in full leather drag: "I'm on a mission." He's goodlooking -- until he opens his mouth. Then you'd be running for the door soon enough, too.

(3) Choley Nan - My friend D has been meeting a lot of folks, and he brought Choley Nan to some social functions. I've met Choley for coffee once, and ate Ethiopian with him and C last night. Choley is Indian by way of Malaysia, and has several graduate degrees. He resembles a panda bear, and seems kind, gentle and sweet. He has an odd story or three, as I'm finding out. He's had some weird boyfriends and has also, on more than one occasion, bought a plane ticket to meet some guy across country. It seems like he's an enabler. We had a good conversation during dinner last night but, as we were getting ready to leave, he said, in his quiet musical lilt: "I'd like to bring you back to my place and have my way with you." I laughed, and didn't know what to say so said nothing more. He then quickly and repeatedly apologized after that, "I meant no offense by that last statement." I think I said "none taken" at least once, and then said something else to defray embarrassment the other two times.

(4) Limp Vermicelli - My friend M set me up with her friend Limp Vermicelli. We went out on two dates last summer. Limp Vermicelli sent me anxious e-mails after each "date"; which was meeting for coffee, and then meeting for lunch: "I hope you decide to move back here," was a typical comment. Limp's primary interests are local politics and college football: And perhaps his intensity of feeling was due to the fact that I knew enough about both topics to carry the conversation along politely. Being polite is one thing; continued active participation is another. After I told Limp I wanted to be friends, I would periodically get a "wrong number" at work: Upon answering the phone, someone with a vaguely familiar voice would say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I mis-dialed this number." (Such an interesting word "mis-dialed.") I would say, "Oh!" or some such, and then hang up. But the Mis-dialer would stay on the line, a split-second pregnant pause before I had returned the handset, and leaving me with the uncomfortable feeling of having hung up on someone. At M's birthday party last weekend, LV arrived at the same time I did, and he played Miserable. I'm not saying it was because of me, he'd have to be a true freak if it was, but I saw what I'd have to put up with had I chosen to date him.

Audience? What do you think? Sally Jesse leans in sneering, cradling her cordless microphone: What is it that you're looking for that cannot be found in each or one of these Fine Four?

I wish I knew, Sally, I wish I did.

Ugh, speaking of. Brenda's hovering. What does she want. Gotta go.