Maybe I already wrote that C and I attended my landlord's design studio open-house on Saturday. On the drive there, C and I talked about feeling (dis)connected. Then, last night, when I met Ch for coffee, he talked about feeling isolated as an Indian growing up in Malaysia -- one result being that he doesn't have strong patriotic feelings about his home.

I believe that one (maybe not the only) reason for our existence is our impact on each other. No matter who or how it might be. C and Ch touched on this. (For whatever reason, we also talked about past-life regressions which, in the context of this blog entry, means extending the idea of connection to beyond the present life... Hmmmmm....)

No surprise to anyone reading this blog, I have felt very un-connected in the past couple of years. Holding a job that does not create value will do that to you. Hobbies or second jobs such as running the movie projector at the Little Art last year, or as an extra in the Opera this year, have temporarily engaged, but cannot offer anything permanent -- or can they? Hmmmm.....

As for significant others: Friendships have always helped, and I realize I don't need that many in order to feel "complete". I will continue to struggle with whether or not I need a partner. Is it me trying to fulfill society's dictates; or is it more trouble than it's worth?

I joked with D and Ch that I was "philosophically jealous" of their current dating frenzy: Both have been going out on some good dates; seems like they're meeting some nice people. I pulled most of my personal ads months ago, and completely de-sexualized the remaining post (on gay.com). Last night though, for the first time in weeks, I logged on, thinking I would have it up in the background while I did something else (HTML Coding), and well well -- I ended up chatting with three or four folks.

Most were folks I already "know" -- as if you can "know" anyone from a chat room. I had met "hairybuffolder" (screen name changed to protect the innocent tee hee hee) about a year ago for a game or two of pool. He's divorced with kids, some high-up muggiewump for a bank. I had mixed feelings when I met him before. He was afraid of ruining his Beemer in the snow, and he smokes. He makes a big deal about being 47 which is not helped by an annoying penchant for chatspeak if u know wot i mean LOL ROFL LMAO C U prolly smiley sad sticking tongue out face. After the one time playing pool, sometimes I would run into him grocery shopping or something and would chit-chat for a bit. Supposedly we're meeting for another game of pool later this week.

I had also chatted with "xboy" before. He says I was supposed to give him a call after getting back from Maine, but I don't remember that. He seems OK on-line, I've never spoken to him on the phone -- that would be too intimate! He was dumped a year ago and is now wanting to date again. He is a computer programmer, does *not* chatspeak, and has a provocative PG-rated image on-line: Him unbuttoning his jeans. We're supposedly meeting, too.

I chatted with a first-grade teacher who culdn't spel and was amazed that I would know the reference to the "no child left behind" program. And I also chatted with "biggrandempire", to whom I had to explain the meaning of "STD". I was very tempted to make something up, like "Super Tight Dick," but that wouldn't have been very nice. *sigh* (Yes, I'm a mean vicious bitch.)

I don't know if I'll end up meeting either of my two theoretical dates. What's the point?

It occurred to me I hadn't had a car crash dream lately, and I wondered why. But last night, I hit a girl, probably ten years old, on roller-skates. As she zipped out in front of me, I caught a glimpse of straw-colored blond hair and a bubble-gum pink safety helmet. Not that that helped her, she never knew what hit her.